Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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