I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
