We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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