at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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