I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
