I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
