Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
