we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
