I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
