It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
