Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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