i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
