I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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