Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
