just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
