we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
