So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
