I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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