All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
