My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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