idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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