pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just sent this text using only my big toe
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize