I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
