I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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