The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
