do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
