if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
