please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
