im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My vagina is very pro this idea
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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