I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
