Where is the hickey?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize