East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
