She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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