Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
