Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
