WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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