Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
