so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
