hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
