i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
