I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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