just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
