Porn is love you can see.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
