Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
