I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize