im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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