Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
