The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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