Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
