Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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