You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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