if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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