end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Its about making memories worth repressing
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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