You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
