his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
