Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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