His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We're too hungover to prance.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
