Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
