Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i will never coherently bang her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
