i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
