Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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