Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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