The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
