we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All the doctor said was why
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
